[Morelia
sent me this for BenWeb:]Hi suegro. Thought you might like to look at this. As you may or may not know, I am in a punk band, garage band. We are called "Asquerosa Juventud", and we've been playing since September. It's me, More, as a singer (I don't sing. I scream. It's awful haha), my friend Alexis (Ben's very good friend) on the guitar and my friend Jared (who Ben used to skate with sometimes) on the drums. We are rising up in our local scene and a producer came up to us to offer us to record a demo (3 songs).
Yesterday, we went to his studio and he told us "everyone should bring an item that they feel secure with, to ambient the studio and to help you guys feel comfortable while recording". Alexis used his girlfriend's Karla tattoo brand T-shirt (Niña del Sol. Ben was very good friends with most people in that tattoo studio), Jared used his favorite glasses, and I printed a picture of Ben and stuck it with tape to our drum set.
I am not the same person I was after Ben. He forever changed me as a person, and maybe, my biggest regret was how much I believed in the future. He just came and changed the weather and he was so full of life while I was so distressed about my own life, that I was scared of him, of how much fun I had with him, of how interested I found him and of how good it felt to live life with him.
But I am not scared anymore, and I've promised to live my life as fun and as present as I can in honor of Ben, and everything we shared and lived together as a relationship, friendship set on fire. More than the person I was sharing myself with, Ben was my friend, and yesterday, on one of the most important days of my life, he was my good luck charm.
I miss you, Benito, but I hope you're proud of us, of me. You wouldn't believe all the things I am doing, after long conversations of me basically telling you everything I was scared of and me trying to protect you of my own fears (Don't drink too much, Don't skate that way, Eat this) and getting your peculiar answers ("Why not?" "Nothing's gonna happen, love" "You do know I am a 36 year old man, right?" "More, you are acting like a Mother Goose again").
There's a song for him in the making. "England cries tonight", For our dear Benito and his 1001 nicknames, the guero, the brit, the eternal traveler, the most Mexican white men we could all find, the lost puppy, the fair one. We all miss him.
